The Guilt

When I had postpartum depression I felt so much guilt. All the time. It was like an appendage.

If I went to bed early, I felt guilty about abandoning Nathan.  But if I went to bed at a normal time, I felt guilty that I was being too needy and clingy, not letting him have some downtime.

I felt guilty about making breakfast.  What sort of mother was I?  Leaving Pippa to play on her mat for five minutes unattended so I could prepare a bowl of oatmeal?  MONSTER!!!!

I felt guilty about leaving Pippa alone in her crib to start a load of laundry.  I should have waited until Pippa went to bed at night to do chores.

I felt guilty that I was not leaving the house more often.

I felt guilty about wanting to leave the house.

I felt guilty for feeling guilt.

I felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough.