I have been misusing the word “should.” Sometimes, I say: “I should do ABC” when really I mean “I want to do ABC.” But “want” sounds too greedy, too personal. “Should” sounds noble.
Take writing. I often tell myself: “I should write everyday because it makes me a happier person.” But what I really mean is: “I want to write everyday.” End of sentence. That’s it. I want to write every day. No need for a justification. For a noble purpose. Nothing about writing making me a better wife or a better mother or a better human. Just: I want to write every day.
I want to write every day.
I should write every day.
Ick. That feels crappy. If I should write everyday, the writing stops being about me and becomes about other people and what they want.
Let’s try another, shall we?
I should eat kale.
Ick. Too much pressure.
I want to eat kale.
Yay! That is about what I want. Why deny what I want? I like kale! It is yummy. I want to make green smoothies and eat more vegetables.
WANT is a much more powerful word than SHOULD.
I want to lose weight.
Yes! It’s about me! It’s not about society or the moms at preschool or what’s healthy or what my doctor says or what the media says or what anyone says. It’s about me. Because it’s my body. My life.
Going forward, I want to say want. I want to acknowledge and honor my dreams and wishes and desires. I want to trust my inner compass. I want to live my life for me.
I want to want.