As I mentioned in this post, my psychiatrist and I decided I should start weaning off mirtazipane three days ago. For the past three nights, I have taken 7.5 milligrams of mirtazipane at bedtime, which is half my usual dose.
I’m happy to report that I have slept fine the past three nights. A few observations:
- Every night, I feel a flare of panic as I settle down to sleep. Will I sleep tonight? Is this a mistake? Am I messing with my brain chemistry? The thoughts come in a big rush, but I always take a deep breath and remind myself that I can take the rest of my dose if I’m still awake in an hour. This stops the Thought Train, and after a couple of minutes, any feelings of anxiety subside and fade away.
- I am falling asleep just as easily with 7.5 mg of mirtazipane as I did with the full dose of 15 mg.
- Which is not to say I fall asleep quickly. That’s not my style. I almost always spend 15-30 minutes with my eyes closed, letting my brain wander and play, before I actually fall asleep.
- Since I started the mirtazipane weaning three nights ago, I’ve noticed I’m a little groggier in the morning. I wake up more slowly and want to linger in bed longer. I’m just going to let my body do its thing and sleep as much as I want/can while I wean off my anti-anxiety medication.
- Though I will confess: this grogginess is annoying. I feel better when I can wake up at six, before my kids, and do some writing before they emerge from their bedroom.
I am about one week shy of my fifth anniversary of starting mirtazipane and Zoloft for postpartum depression and anxiety. When I was hospitalized with severe PPD, I had no inkling of how long these adventures with medication would last. I didn’t actually contemplate the issue, because I was so lost in the despair of depression, I thought something about childbirth had broken my body and no one would ever be able to fix me.
It’s been a long adventure, but I’m so grateful that mirtazipane and Zoloft were able to pull me out of the darkness of my maternal mood disorders. I don’t care how many times I have to wean off mirtazipane. I’m just grateful there were medications to save my life when I assumed it was over.