Resolutions are not my thing. I used to think they were and went through the whole exercise of choosing resolutions, mostly pertaining to my weight, and then breaking said resolutions before my birthday. (which is January 12th so yeah, not an impressive track record in the least.) I decided to stop torturing myself, skip resolutions and just do the thing I really love: make plans.
For several years, I have created lists of things I want to do. I invested a lot of time on these lists, agonizing over the right style of bullet points, as if that might help me squeeze more productivity out of the next year. I assumed this year would not be any different. I opened a new document on my computer and named it 2018 Goals and Schemes. I started the list and waited for the surge of bliss that usually comes when I’m planning my life.
I closed the document. Walked away for a day. Reopened the document and tried again.
I waited some more, returning to the document a few days later, determined to chart my course through the coming year. The glee did not come. Instead, an idea floated to the surface of my subconscious: maybe I shouldn’t plan my goals for 2018.
But the thoughts kept coming: don’t plan 2018. Have faith in your intuition. don’t plan 2018. I’ve been listening to my intuition more and more this past year, so I thought it might be time to take “Plan 2018” off my To Do list. But my brain resisted.
I’ve had a book, Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver, on my To Read shelf for nearly a year. And I don’t mean my symbolic To Read shelf on Goodreads. I’m talking about an actual shelf in my bedroom. I decided this was a book I needed to read, ordered my copy from Amazon, and was ready to go. I pulled the book down to read at least a half dozen times but every time, I jammed it back on the shelf. The timing didn’t feel right.
Last night, the children were playing sweetly. I was reading a book by the Dalai Lama. Suddenly, it hit me. It was time to read Outrageous Openness. A minute later, the kids were still busy with their farm animals, and I was curled up on the armchair, ready for my introduction to Tosha Silver.
Before I could even get into the proper book, I found my answer in the forward:
I’ve listed my goals every birthday for more than thirty years. I’ve created countless vision boards and recited countless affirmations. And yet … and yet … some goals have eluded me despite my efforts. By reading Outrageous Openness and learning to align with the Divine, I’ve come to know that Divine Order has a bigger plan for me than my limited view. I now trust that what’s mine will always come. I gleefully burned all my vision boards. Were they helpful in the past? Yes, but it’s even more important to turn those desires over to a Wisdom that is far greater than the intellect can possibly imagine. – Dr. Christiane Northrup writing the Forward for Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver
WOW. It’s like Dr. Northrup knew what was in my heart.
I’m publishing my memoir in early 2018, but what happens after that? I love writing, I love big projects, so it makes sense that I’ll start writing another book. I had that on my 2018 list. But it didn’t feel right. Now I understand.
I have to give up planning my future, week by week, and trust that I’ll figure things out when the time is ripe. Throughout Outrageous Openness, Tosha Silver includes prayers, like this one on page 29:
Today the Divine will show me the way. I’m open to all messages, signs, and omens. I’ll move as if there’s a Force of Love waiting to aid me in every area of my life, big or small.
I don’t want to set goals for 2018 because then I might close myself off to the things I am meant to do. Maybe I will write a novel. Then again, maybe I’ll do something that isn’t even on my radar yet. I don’t know. I’m excited to see what happens.
I guess I do have a resolution for 2018: to stay open to messages, signs and omens; see what adventures unfold; and become the person I am truly meant to be.